Thoughts by W. Somerset Maugham

May you find inspiration in these thoughts and quotes by W. Somerset Maugham from my large Daily Inspiration library of inspiring quotes and inspirational words.

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Related topics: Life Human-Nature Psychology

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Thank You,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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